Last Call – Fake Tans and Race Fans, or ‘A neophyte’s day at the track’

So, I’m looking through the local rag the other day, and there’s an ad for Monmouth Park promising a ‘free Big Brown bobble-head’ with paid Grandstand admission (while supplies last).  Really? A bobble-head HORSE? Well how could I possibly pass up this opportunity to acquire an obviously high-quality, lovingly handcrafted collector’s item such as this? And on my 15^th Anniversary to boot?  Yeah, I’m stupid like that – we’re going.

I’ve lived in Jersey for 15 years now, and this was my first ever visit to a racetrack (hell, I’ve still not been to the Jersey Shore during beach season, let’s see if I can keep that streak alive.).  After paying our admission fee (a whopping $3 each – woo, we’re livin’ large!), we stroll around the Grandstand.  This place is right out of the 40s; I can see the ghosts of gentlemen strolling around in jackets and fedoras, and the original linoleum tile floors have foot shaped divots worn in them at the fronts of the betting queues.

The best part about Monmouth Park is the layout. Plenty of picnic tables, open and covered seating in the Grandstand, betting kiosks EVERYWHERE, and you can even stand at the fence and watch the horses thunder by the finish line. Hell, there’s a playground for kids; it’s that family-friendly. Ah yes, corrupting the youth. A bonus. This place is great – you can pretty much wander anywhere you want, and get this: you can BYOB.  Hell, I’m thinking Pants Party.  Anyone interested?

Now, I’m not much of a gambler – it’s fun occasionally, for about 5 minutes, but I’d rather spend the money and feel like I got something in return for it rather then just essentially throwing it into a bottomless hole. But, hey, what the hell, it’s a party day for us; we’ll see what this is all about.  So I look over hubby’s shoulder at the program, and I see all these statistics, analyses, tips, codes, graphics, all sorts of shit. Christ, I’d rather learn HTML. I think I’m going to do something I hardly EVER do – play the “girl” card.  Fuck this noise, I’ll pick the ponies by their names, the jockey, or the horse’s confirmation. Makes as much sense as anything else; I’m still not going to win anything.  Guess what? I didn’t.

To top off the day, I got to meet some rich dude with a fake tan – how Jersey (and I would know!)! Apparently, he’s Michael Iavarone, the owner of Big Brown, which makes him an exceptionally rich dude with a fake tan.  Whatever.  But he signed our bobble-head horses. Woo! I bet I can retire on the nickel I’d make by selling this thing on teh eBays.

All I can say is, the day was rather mindless fun, and I enjoyed watching the people almost as much as I did the horses.  And I’d seriously consider organizing a Pants Party, if there’s enough interest.

Enjoy your Last Call this evening. St. Louis is playing against Cleveland at 8pm on tWWL, and of course there’s the NBA Finals on ABC, also at 8pm.

Raise a Glass

Put the Glass Down

Tags: horse racing, Last Call, mlb, Monmouth Park, nba, sculptor?!?
Categories: Daily Specials, Domestics, Last Call

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 14th, 2009 at 6:00 pm and is filed under Daily Specials, Domestics, Last Call. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.