Eye Opener – 23 October 2009

Hey, you know what?  We don’t talk about baseball very much on this site, and quite frankly, that’s a bit of a mess.  We need to.  So, before getting to the overnight oversights, you’re getting a mini-Two Yellows rant about this year’s playoffs.  Bear in mind, I have a wicked sinus headache, I’m a bit hungover from karaoke, I’m nervous as a whore in church and I smell a bit.  LADIES?  Oh, and all this is my opinion and doesn’t reflect any other [checks sidebar] BARTENDER’S opinion.  Got that?  ITS ALL ME.  MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Fuck you, Bud Selig and double fuck you in the ear, Major League Baseball umpires.  If you assholes managed to get one thing right, I think the next thing we’d see is the Al Qaeda Day Parade down Pennsylvania Avenue.  By no means has this been a great playoff season thus far.  Leitch’s Cardinals came up smaller than the Lollipop Guild, the Red Sox seriously acted as if spot-checking tee times was more important then the games they were playing in, and the Dodgers are not built to play in anything other than that limp-wristed constantly-sunny and 80 West Coast weather.  Losers.  You know, though, I give credit to the Twins.  They had to fight and fight and claw and claw to make it, they drew the Yankees of the 756 billion dollar payroll, and got hosed by the umps the whole way.  They were fun.

The rest of it has really been poor.  The television announcing has been horrendous.  The umpiring (with two extra-added blind SOB’s) has been amateurish and embarrassing.  How the FUCK do you miss a call where not only does the ball HIT the outfielders glove but also then land at least a FOOT inside the foul line?  From maybe 20 feet away?  Jesus wept.  Poor Twins fans.  Sorry Minnesota.  You still have the Land Baron, though, so…there’s that.  WOO HOO!  LAND BARON!  Brittany Favre, though, is cute.  Just saying.  Hit me up on Twitter, Brittany!

The World Fucking Champions are a home-run machine, but sadly…not much more.  I fear for the Phillies if the Angels somehow manage to overcome the Yankees and make it to the World Series (due to start Black Friday and end right around Valentine’s Day if my read on the MLB calendar is correct).  I think if the Yankees make it, the record for home runs in a World Series [consults Baseball Reference - can't find it, of course] will be broken.  By a lot.

Thanks, Bud, for effectively murdering baseball watching on the East Coast, too.  You fucker.  18 commercials per half inning?  Really?  Cheers Bud, for selling your soul to Pfizer, Pizza Hut and Anheuser-Busch.  Hope it was worth it.  You douche.

Okay, enough.  What happened last night while you were winning the Monopoly World Championship.

Yeah, so…this shit happened.

• Tom Cable is off the hook.  The glove did NOT fit.  JUSTICE!  FREEDOM!  AMERICA!  Now he can go back to watching JaMarcus Russell overthrow wideouts and seeing Darren McFadden on the training table.
• JoePo talks about the Angels beating the Yankees last night in Game 5.  The final was 7-6.  Weather for Saturday is looking fantastic, by the way, high of 49 degrees and rain all day long.
• Your Thursday night NHL winners were Les Habitants, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Washington, Nashville, Tampa Bay, Edmonton, Phoenix, and Los Angeles.  And because DirecTV is still in a pissing match with Comcast, I’ll never see any of it.  FML.
• London wants four NFL games per year.  So does Buffalo.  What of it?
• Governator wants an NFL team and he wants it now!  GET TO DA CHOPPA!
• You’re excited for Liverpool hosting Manchester United on Sunday, right?  Well, be excited for no Wayne Rooney, Steven Gerrard or Fernando Torres!  YEAH!  Wait.
• NASCAR is in Martinsville this weekend for the Sprint Cup.  It’s race six in the Chase.  This is your NASCAR update for the week.
• To love, honour, cherish and fire after we lose our second consecutive NLCS.  Frank McCourt, everyone!  Give him a hand.
• Pau Gasol has an owie.
• Natalie Gulbis is on Twitter and posts tons of pictures of herself.  This almost makes my hangover more tolerable.
• UFC 104 is this weekend in Los Angeles.  Lyoto Machida, the man who embarrassed Rashad Evans, gets to destroy Shogun Rua.  How does a guy from Brazil get the nickname “Shogun”?  Shit like that keeps me up at night.
• The Catholic Super Bowl happens tomorrow.  Wafers and wine for everyone!
• The Chicago Fire beat Chivas USA last night off of an own-goal.  Yes, MLS is still soldiering on.  Did you know the playoffs start soon?  No?  Well, they do.  So there.

Okay, today we’ll have some opinion on the Daulerio/ESPN war (as I sit here with Eric Kuselias on my telly) and some other stuff, I’m sure.  Last Call is at the Rookies tonight.  Go forth and be awesome.

Categories: Eye Openers

This entry was posted on Friday, October 23rd, 2009 at 8:30 am and is filed under Eye Openers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.