Wake up! So there’s now a Lover’s Lane next to my L stop here in Chicago. Which is hilarious. Because it’s next to a Qdoba (if you want some shitty fast food mexican owned by Wendy’s yet not as good as the McDonald’s-owned Chipotle) and a Potbelly’s (if you want sandwiches so bland they taste like plastic wrap, which is of course why the chain is so beloved by women) and I pass it every day on my way to and from the gym. I would guess the point of the juxtaposition is that sex should be something that people are as comfortable with as shitty mexican food and shitty sandwiches. Unless you’re fantastically repressed. Even then, the costumes are hilarious. Who wouldn’t want their girlfriend wearing something that looks like a reject from a Lady Gaga video?

Anyway, when I’ve tried to hip people to the hilarity of the situation, I’ve described the outfit as a “high end sex shop.” But to be perfectly honest, I have no fucking clue what it really is. Aside from that it sells hilarious costumes that are supposed to be “sexy.” I kinda want to go in and revel of the comedic casing of the joint. Problem is, I’m not going in myself because I don’t want to look like a creeper, and I have yet to successfully convince a friend to go with me. Maybe I’m not the only repressed one. Anyway, y’all are generally more worldly than I am (except for RATL). What’s in there? Is it just “costumes?” Do they have accessories? Do they have capital-A Accessories? Porn?

I almost had an insider spy as my ex-gf (and current friend) applied to work there, but didn’t hear back on her application. Apparently, they didn’t seem to find her “Lover’s Lane material.” I wonder what it takes to be a Lover’s Lane sales clerk? I guess I’ll never know. Then again, my job prospects aren’t so hot right now. I think there might be a blog post in this somewhere.

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At present, Kansas football coach Mark Mangino is under considerable fire after reports surfaced concerning how he treats his players. He is alleged to have threatened to send African-American players “back to the ghetto” or “back to the street corner with their homies.” He allegedly taunted another player with the player’s father’s alcoholism, and is said to use things said in confidence against players. Mangino is also reported to physically provoke his players as well. Keeping in step with his namesake, Baby Mangino has allegedly been throwing sand on African American toddlers at preschool and sprinkling some crack on them during nap time.

Duck, black people!

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